I’m moving on in a number of matters at the moment. I don’t mean that I have leaving what has happened behind but rather that I see that I am stuck. I realized that I was stuck in the current situation not 2 hours ago, in fact this might be a instant revelation. But that would be a lie I guess. I actually feel like I’m starting to take steps backward.
This isn’t a bad thing though. I think I’m moving back towards the more confident attitude that I held in the past. In the past…oh..8 or 9 years I think I’ve encountered stages where I enact a great shift in myself from a “nervous follower” to a “confident leader.” This has been the case before and I think its when I become comfortable with both myself and my surroundings.
Let’s take a walk down memory lane shall we? I think the first point in which I made a change was when I was a leader back in EYG workcamp. I actually took on a role and was recognized by both my peers and councelors as someone who could take control. I remember being told “I was surprised with the Don I saw this past week. You took control with projects, completed them all while looking out for your teammates. You really impressed me.” This made me realize that I finally came into myself for the first time.
The next two times occured while at OU. First was at the end of my first year and begining of my second with the recreation of the anime club. I was almost followling along through most of it putting in my ideas of what would be good, but never taking a true leading position (even though I was going to be VP). It was the following year in which I took control at the beginning and started the path that JCON has take. I am not saying that I am the cause for JCON today. BUT! All you fuckers who which to say different, I was the reason that the club became registered and had to deal with losing a President (while I was to be VP thereby becoming Pres.) and a Tresurer all in the same year. I don’t hold ill will towards either of those guys, honestly. I consider both my friends. but man that was a pain in the ass to deal with but I succeeded. The second occurence in college would probably be my last year after returning from Chubu. I was different and I think it was seen in those around me. I joined OUGA and became the treasurer and became sociable in numerous groups.
The stage before this would have to be my 2nd year in Iwate. Jason and I seriously became a major focal point for activities there. There wasn’t a good party out there that we weren’t either part of or had organized. haha. I may be exaggerating a bit for my own ego but it still was a success.
I think I’ve started to find my place now. I feel like I’m someone who has valid point to say and is a colleague to those around me.
I think what triggered this was actually purchasing some hair product from the store this evening. It’s the same stuff I used in Japan and I think that’s why it has affected me. It almost feels like a complete circle in how I’m returning to familiar things (product, games, otaku) but making it so much more than a weird part of me and into a successful presentation.
I think I have my position fairly clear to me now and I just have to fill in the details in between the goals.
hmmm. Lets start that then, here and now.
- Return to Japan summer 2009 for fieldwork.
- Received $2000 Graduate Fellowship
- Contacting housing service in Japan for a room for July and August
- swindle money from parents
- Apply for more funding
And now I sleep.